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电话录音卡: In the hours of distress and miser,the eyes of every mortal man turn to friendship;in the hour of gladness and conviviality ,what is our want?It is friendship.When the heart overflows with gratitude,or with any other sweet and sarced sentiment,what is the world to which it would give utterance?a friend.
Pat deVarennes: You should look and see what some of the PTRP-ers at Fort Sill are enduring. www.onlyvolunteers.blogspot.com
Kayla: wow. i read your web-page, & i just thought you should know you are doing a GREAT thing. comming from a military background, its SO nice to hear someone who knows what are talking about.
mystic: welcome to the journal community
Wendy: Today's the anti war protest, maybe that'll make you feel better
jewelles: Hi welcome. I am sorry to read that you are in pain. I hope you find an inner balance and work past all the bad stuff that is haunting you. Blessings

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Tuesday, June 14th 2005

23:05

No Home For The People Who Serve


I have found that people are driven by what they are told even if it could be a lie, this is a dubble edge sward. Today was the Army’s Birthday I flew my Army flag today, it’s my second favorite flag I have, number one is the American flag, the Army flag I have is made out of a very light material so it will fly with a small wind.

Mr Rumsfeld said today that every branch of the military but the Army has met the recrutement qutoa. I have some connections in all war fronts, and the people I talk to the ones fighting the war believe in what they are doing! If you would watch the news you would think the sky was falling. I think that the press has gone so far to get a “scoop” that they are one of the main causes of the enlistment problem. Every time a soldier dies for us the news reports the death then gives the number of military persons that have been killed so far, as if to say “Yep another one, See”.

The press has damaged the very uniform of the U.S.Army for years to come by making it look like untrained Animals are screwing up. It’s like living with a younger brother or sister that hates you and reports everything you do but put a twist on it to make you look bad.

Our fault, I think that having a camera in a prison is the most stupid thing. I know for a fact that most people here in America live in a BS world, or a “It’s not going to happen to me” world. 9 11 showed that our oceans are not a wall to keep the bad guys out, this should have sunk in to America during WW2 when it was reported that in the Japs had invaded America that they could have gotten all the way to chicago before we could have stopped them. I don’t see any invading forces in water craft in the foreseeable future but it just shows that America is to caught up in luxury to be concerned about our impending attacks!

I myself am worried that America has lost it’s will to fight because we are lazy! The Army is the best fighting force on the planet ban none, I don’t even know way we had to cut our ties with the bulk of our air power and make it into the Air force. Surely we could have handled the paperwork of keeping our Army Air Core.

My view on the lack of real men or women joining the Army is this. If you don’t what to join because what you see on TV then don’t, we don’t want you! I think America is better off with a few Soldiers who are willing no matter what, then Soldiers who think it’s to much for them.

On to other things I have added my own guest book entry because of the added hate form the Army. SSG BLACK from “Hell” as he put think that this page is here to collect the honor of the soldiers who have fought and got hurt, SSG Black thinks that we want to shame the Army because of what happened to us. I had a talk with a PTRP NCO that did not write in here but did write to me. He was angry, he read the guest book and seen it as a Army PTRP bashing web page. If you just read the guest book and don’t look at the dates of each post you may see it like that.

I did a search for my web page on yahoo but the only page that came up was the guest book, I forgot that yahoo does take off your web page if you don’t resubmit it. So the NCO missed the who front page of me explaining the changes over the years of PTRP, how in SOME cases like FT Jackson it has gotten better, and in my eyes is to much better, I think that the amount of freedom is to much, like walkmans and books and sleeping time, that’s BS. I do see why the NCOS writing in from FT Jackson are pissed, I would be pissed also if I read all of this and did not remember that more then one PTRP is running. I told the NCO that wrote me this and I gave him a long letter of some of the things that have happed over the years. The next few letters from here were more relaxed and more on the “Lets work together”.

SSG Black if you get to read this I want to get this across to you. The web page is for the PVT who served and got bad treatment by any of the staff including everyone, this page is for the people who served and got good treatment but did not make it, this page is for those who did make it out of PTRP including any treatment I just talked about.

Something got left behind with me when I left the Army, I missed it more then my own life, even when things were bad in the Army I never hated the Army, I knew that the whole of the Army cannot be blamed on a few NCOs or faking PVTs that made like a living hell. I owe who I am to a few NCOs that seen the damage left behind by the old NCOs, the damage was miss trust and the impending threat of making you hurt yourself. What did not change and what still has not changed is the lack of real medical help in the Army, a budder bar or a Captain or even a Major with a knife that gets “giddie” on the thought of cutting you open is not even “free clinic” level. I found out for a Ranger NCO that Boched surgery’s go on every day. You would think that an ACL surgery is a simple thing to fix since it’s high on the list of things that happen to Soldiers in the Army, however 4 people I know of will never walk correctly ever again because of dorked operations, one such person in I know had some mental issues after the 3 operation trying to fix the problem.

The bulk of the people that come here have spent a great deal of time in the Army and regard it as a home, they remember the power of marching in cadence under a blue or gold flag. The know the weapons , how to fire them, they know DNC and most have done EOCT. They were a part of the Army they did not act the part they were the part, and they chose to fight and if asked to die for this country. You take a PVT like this and he or she gets hurt and is sent into a place where everyone gets treated like day 1 PVTs. Everything they worked so hard to do is taken away, and on top of that they are injured. I found myself looking at Civilians as trash, unclean over weight trash, they acted without discipline and I felt like I was part of a union better then the rest.

It comes down to this, how long must a person be in the Army to be accepted as a part of the Army? Does the person have to get out of AIT, or work at a real job in the Army before he or she is accepted as one of their own? SSG Black seems to think that everyone who did not make it is a nobody, SSG Black seems to think we are trying to be something we are not. Truth is we don’t know who we are, we don’t know our place. What do you say to a PVT who knows the basic skills of a soldier and gets hurt and is sent home, some hurt so bad that they can’t ever work again? Do you say “To bad, go away”? The damage to some of these people is on the same level of damage you could get in war, however they are not combat hurt! They are hurt in actions training to become a soldier in conditions simulating war. My record says words of that nature, my records have me listed as a disabled Vet, my VA card says service connected! I have never spoken the words “I’m a disabled Vet” ever, it’s not me, my who family has served and I would never display myself along with the honored vets, that’s my word, and for the people who know me my word is solid.

I would like to hear what the SSG Black thinks of people like me, where do you think people like me fit, am I an outcast of the Army, the Army’s garbage that needs to be quiet and not seen? I would like CPT Fisher to tell me what he thinks, where do broken for life would be fighters belong? To many people I served with would have died for this country but instead were treated to some of the worse things a higher ranking soldier could ever do or just given lack luster medical treatment. They were lost, and the Army lost with them, and now they are spit on by the same people that are supposed to help them get better, yes SSG Black I know where you wrote from.

I want to know what the Army thinks about the would be soldiers who came to fight and did not make it, mind you not a PVT of 2 weeks but a PVT of months or years.
I want to know what the Army thinks, please feel free to post in the web age any way you like, be it the guest book or the forum or write me a E mail, if you wish to snail mail me that can be worked out or even a phone call or fax.

You have to think about this, how would you feel if this happened to you.

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Monday, April 11th 2005

15:24

This We'll Defend?

  • Music: http://www.geocities.com/ptrp43ag/SOUND/army1.mp3


I will defend!

I was reading two Forum inputs from IET trainees, they both thought that the people who write in and were upset about what had happened to them after getting hurt in the military were nothing but lieing trash. It's hard to talk about what really went on during my time in PTRP, allot of things happened, allot of lies and hate happened, and every time I defend the page I try to give an example or a slight skim off the top of what I seen, at the same time my Loyalty to the Army keeps me from publicly exploring what I seen and had to do in PTRP.

In some ways I think of it like PVT Smith (if that is his name) said about POWs, the treatment was tuff and  It hardened my metal even more then the 2nd time in Basic as a 12-B, however what came apparent is that some NCOs did not care about the health and well being of the PVT, thats the point that I knew that it was not training and in fact could be seen as  unlawful, and it's not just by chance that most of the  "Bad" NCOs left at the same time after something they did went beyond what they could handle. I will not put the names here, and i'm sickened that CPT. Fisher would think I would put his Email here, infact he didn't do anything to anybody when I was in, and I have never recived anything about any problems from him since I have had this web page up. It's funny the thing I most remember about seeing him is the fact he had music playing on his PC, when I was in we did not have music players allowed in PTRP (no music or books, besides our "Smart Books" and religious book) and it was the first music I had heard in 4-5 months or would ever here in the Army, and when at the time LT Fisher left FLW the new LT did not have any music in rehab.

Will I ever report the things that happened? Yes and No, I have connections to every PTRP going on right now in the ARMY, and it seems the MOSTLY the treatment of my time in PTRP was unique. What I'm faced with now is people writing in to fill a "no way this happens or happened" gap. It was no surprise that after the Army found the PTRP web page that  posts from PTRP came in being nothing less then "positive". It's now questionable how many are truthful tho this can be said for any posts in the guest book, I would think that the PVT who is still between being a soldier and a civilian would not have a better feel for things untill being  1: Returning to duty and becoming a soldier or 2: Going home without being able to return to duty.  

1 and 2 are after PTRP and can give a clear view of what has happened. What they feel in PTRP can be not the correct feeling to express, like PVT Smith he may rehurt himself or get hurt beyond the military need and find himself with a cane at age 24 for the rest of his life. Right now he thinks that everyone who did not make it are what I gathered "useless to begin with". He is still in the mix and someday he might be at the 2 hour line at the VA for comp. Even tho he disrespected me and everyone who came to serve , I still wish him the best and I would put him on my overseas package list.

A few things you learn in the Army is that (generally) nobody will talk bad about anyone, and this gets tighter as the rank increases, one NCO I talked to in the Army 1 to 1 who had been in some things that I only dreamed about or seen on the news, looked down when I told him about the "Sunday Sunburns" however he never disowned or said it was wrong in any way about the NCO or the act, in Loss Prevention it's called "saying nothing with allot of words" in the Army it's "protecting your own". If you closely read the web page you will notice that one or two PVTs singled out a NCO, however they were very, very wrong about that NCO, if it was not for that one Drill Sgt (along with a few more and my Top and CO) I would not have what I have today, mentally, physically and financially.

I was a long term slipped into the cracks case, to the best of my knowledge nobody has spent longer in PTRP then I have, when I was in at the end they added a time limit. It should be noted to anyone who thinks I'm Downing the Army that I have not listed with proof on this page about everything that happened while I was in. In fact reading it it seems unlikely, and it would have been a hard sell to me if I would not have been and seen it. When I was in "Down Range" at E 35th all of my SGTs and COs had fought in a war, and they schooled old school, and the fact that no Females were in our Company only made it more "old school" yes I know about the 1 min showers and combat field chow eating (It's not the same as field chow, you eat as they put it on your plate and toss the rest at the end of the table). I know this because at A 35th they did everything "easyer". I have to say I knew one hurt 12 C at PTRP that was a hard woman late 20s, that was a good shot and a good friend, and I would trust my life with her, you know who you are don't you "12 Chuck"! If I would have not done two trips in Basic both within hours of "ESSAYONS" pass and being able to work at a real job. I would have had a hard time knowing the differance between "right and wrong" in PTRP, thats the point that i'm trying to get accross in this part of the journal.

 I was given a job outside of PTRP on the Fort with "freedoms" to go with it. In a large part PTRP gave be back what some had took by letting me serve, because that all I ever wanted to do. I'm forever grateful for those who put "trust" in my "ARMY VALUES"!

So back the the 2 PVTs, young and most likely not had to support themselves, I was faced with 30% of my Army pay  when I got out and had to support myself without being able to work, I say not being able because I'm not, without going into it deeply I have to take many meds that curve my problem , and if anyone knows the track to getting VA and SS benefits they know it takes years, and many doctors, and at this time I'm 100% on both , and that is unheard of so this will give you an idea on my current status.

It took 3 1/2 years for SS, for the VA is was a year and a half before they put me into the VA, I got bills for my meds up until I got into the VA, and the way unemployment work is that you have to BE ABLE to work to get it,  when I got out I only got around $200.00 a month to live on, if it was not for my better half I would have been in a shelter! I would also like to say that I would have been worse shape if the prior service civil van drivers didn't tell me about the horror of the cold shoulder of the government, and what to make sure you get copy of before you leave.With SS I was first refused anything, even with all my military med records, I had to get a lawyer and goto  court. When I had my day in court I felt sick on two reasons, I did not have a choice, I could not support myself, and I had to ask the goverment for help, it should be noted that if I had this happen to me at Wal Mart I would be liveing on an Island. When the judges decision came in the mail I had won, he had made him mind up the same day my court case was. I was told that was the fist time that had ever happend by my lawyer.

So the wise ass remark about cashing my checks hurts a little only because this PVT lives in a young and "it's not going to happen to me world". The PVT said that he is glad he does not have to save people like us in battle, I would say anyone that joins the Army (with intent of fighting) or gos to battle for his/her country is worth saving and serving with.

My last words of cation to the 2 PVTs or anyone else, you can get hurt again and end up not being able to serve and or to use you body normally ever again, or not be able to support yourself, you may need to cash one of those checks!

"Don't Write A Check With Your Mouth That You Can't Cash With Your Ass"

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Saturday, March 19th 2005

8:20

Who Does Care, Not Many


Who cares!
It took just one Sgt. to make me think about stuff I wanted to forget. About 2 years ago I wrote to my bud Rossi, it was the first time I had written to him since I seen him in PTRP, he wrote back and told me that he had unknowingly forgotten about ARMY/PTRP, he said when he seen my mail that it all came back, "It was the worst thing that ever happend to me, and I unknowingly forgot like I was protecting myself from remembering it". Most of the people I know in PTRP wanted to forget, it seem that the only ones who don't forget have the worst damage, and or the feel the lost honor of soldiering, and some just hated it.

     Who cares! It's hard for me to forget. I tryed when I got home, I ignored letters from my friends in the Army, and i'm truly sorry for that. I tryed to move on, but as the damage moved to other parts of my body it was hard to forget. I worked out "deals" in my head to try to blance the good Sgt that cared and the other Sgts that brought pain. Did it even out? Should I even be weighing it?

     Who cares! When I read the letter from Capt. Fisher it took me way back, when I read what the SGT wrote, I felt the anger and hate in his words. I don't even know how to feel, what if he dished out some hate on some Pvts after reading this webpage, and would it be my falt for making this page? Not only did he write in and come after me, he made out his point how he felt about PVTs in PTRP. I find it hard for a high % of fakers and gold diggers to join the Army in a time of war.

    Who cares! Is it time for a change? Time will tell.

     Who cares?
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